Ash Wednesday Reflections

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, which is a time of reflection, prayer and repentance leading up to Easter Sunday. Ash Wednesday has become important in my life in recent years. In my past, I never thought much about it. It simply was a day that followed Fat Tuesday, where I laughed at the silly people who went to excess because the next day they would be giving things up for 40 days. But, in recent years, Ash Wednesday has come to mean a whole lot more.

Since I started attending the Ash Wednesday service at my church, the whole ceremony of having ashes placed on my forehead has become significant. At first I thought it was quite strange to walk around with a black cross marked on my skin. But there is something reverential about the whole process. It is like I am saying to God, "I recognize my faults. I know of my failures. I bow before you now and ask you to turn these things to ashes and cleanse my spirit. I ask you to renew me once again." That I can even do that is such an amazing gift!

Despite my new perspective on Ash Wednesday, I still do not practice giving up something for Lent. I guess there is something about it that seems abused. Why am I giving something up? Is it simply so that I will have an answer when somebody asks me? Am I giving up chocolate or Facebook for 45 days so that I can pay my penance? For me, that just does not work. I like to think of it more like I am adding something. We live such busy lives...I live a busy life...so, to just give up something does not seem like it is that much of a sacrifice...or, maybe it is only a half-sacrifice? What if I was to give up something that is taking up my time AND add a spiritual or prayer practice that brings me closer to God? What if I were to turn the useless, time-wasting activities that I engage in into useful, attention-rich activities that cause me to focus on what is most important? I think I would find that I would be more sensitive to God's love and leading, that I would have a more peaceful outlook on life, that my family would enjoy being around me much more, and I would see everyone that I come into contact with throughout my day through God's lens, and not my own distorted and selfish lens.

This, of course, is not an easy task. It actually is hard work! For myself, the themes of Consistency and Persistence come up quite often. Whether it is in developing and maintaining an exercise routine, or scheduling some time to incorporate prayer and meditation in my daily routine, or even in the tasks that I need to complete at my job...being consistent, setting and pursuing goals, and continuing on the path toward those goals is a difficult thing to incorporate. There are always obstacles...there are always distractions...there are always setbacks. But, for me, this is where grace comes into the equation. I don't consider myself a theologian or some great spiritual giant...but I do think about these things. I think about how the principle of grace, undeserved favor, not only applies to my understanding of God, but it also applies to how I treat myself, how I treat my wife and kids, and how I treat my friends and neighbors and everyone else I come into contact with.

In the last few years, I have been into distance running. In fact, last year (2012), I trained for and ran in 3 half-marathons. I have learned many life lessons through that experience. Even today, I run regularly, trying to run at least a 5K (3.15 miles) two to three times a week and I plan to run in more half-marathons in the future. Let me tell you, it is NOT EASY to be consistent about training for a 13.1 mile run. Sometimes I stay up too late and I don't want to get up in the morning to run. Sometimes I use the excuse that it is too cold out (some of my friends that live in freezing winter climates will probably laugh). Sometimes there are legitimate issues going on at home that require that I postpone or delay my run. I never feel good about skipping a run...I ALWAYS feel good when I complete a run. Do you have anything in your life where this happens to you?

What has been an important part of successfully incorporating an exercise routine into my daily life is that I extend grace to MYSELF. There are going to be times when I don't feel like running. There are going to be times when other things in life need to take priority. When I do not run, it is because of a choice I made. I may not deserve to be excused from the choice I made, but what good is it going to do me to dwell on my excuses and punish myself for a potentially "bad" choice? If I push myself to be consistent and persistent, I can miss a day and know that I am going to pick myself up and start anew the next day. The key, for me, is realizing that this exercise routine is not just for 3 months so that I can lose that 10 pounds from Christmas. It is a life change that I am making. I am choosing to turn things around...to do things differently...and to incorporate positive, healthy routines in my life that REPLACE the negative, time-wasters.

I guess Ash Wednesday is significant for me now because it is a day that reminds me to take a step back and examine how far I have come, and how far I still need to go. More so than at the turn of every year, where most people make resolutions and try to dedicate themselves to improving in certain areas, the beginning of Lent is my opportunity to take a look inside and see where I want to dedicate myself to being more consistent. I know it is going to be hard work, but I also know how good it will feel to make that life change...to pursue God's best for me so that I can be a blessing to others.

Vulnerability

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.”

~  Madeleine L'Engle 

Being vulnerable is an interesting thing. Some of us try to avoid it at all costs. Others are OK living in that space of uncertainty and fear. Some of us even thrive in that space. I think especially of actors and actresses who deal with vulnerability on a daily basis. Some of the world's best thespians really know how to channel emotions and bring out amazing performances while making themselves vulnerable.

This past Sunday, I experienced vulnerability in a new way. Well, maybe not a new way, but in a way that I have not experienced for a while. It was eye-opening and so I thought I would share the experience.

Having been a part of my church's worship team for the past 11 years, I have had experiences with vulnerability in the past. Anytime you get up on a stage to lead others in what many consider an intimate experience, there are feelings of anxiety, nervousness and vulnerability. Corporate worship is an experience that sits in this odd little pocket. Each of us comes before God in our own ways. Many of us prefer the quiet and solitude to intimately connect with God in some way. But, there is something about each of us coming together as one body to praise and honor God that really excites me and makes me feel connected.

On this particular Sunday, I was unsure of how I would contribute to the team leadership. I was part of the vocal team scheduled for the morning service, but I had been sick for the previous 4 weeks. Sinus congestion and limited lung capacity were still my enemies on this morning and I wondered if I was going to be able to sing at all. Last year, while taking voice lessons with my friend Brendan, I learned that sometimes it is good for us to sing when we are in this condition. Being limited physically forces us to pay attention to details we might normally gloss over. Limited lung capacity forces a singer to pay closer attention to breath control. Limited vocal range forces a singer to choose alternate harmonies to fit with other voices. It also forces the singer to choose when to sing and when not to sing.

In fact, our fearless leader (Lisa) even encouraged me and pointed out that she liked how I was making good choices to sing out or hold back on certain parts of the songs. Although appreciative of the encouragement, I was flippant in my response to Lisa and noted that I sounded bad that morning and that is why I was not singing. But, as I thought more about it, I realized that what Brendan had told me in our earlier voice lessons was coming to fruition. I was learning something about myself. In my vulnerability, I was being forced to choose when to sing and when not to sing. Subconsciously, the emotional chord that was struck at that moment hit me like a ton of bricks. That, combined with what we were singing during rehearsals, opened up my emotions and I could not continue singing. It was a brief moment, but it was a moment that truly illuminated some things for me. In my vulnerability and exposure, I had learned something about myself.

On the whole, I would say that vulnerability is not something that I choose to experience regularly. I like being in comfortable and familiar situations. Experiencing something new can sometimes be a stretch for me. This particular experience was a profound one. I learned that it is OK to be vulnerable and that it is even a good thing to be broken down in front of others. For it is in those moments that we can be most alive, learning about ourselves and about living full lives in community with others.

My Night at the Grammy Awards

Wow, what a night! I am still riding high from my night at the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles. It was quite an experience and one that I will not soon forget.

This year, the televised awards show was held at the Staples Center. You may be asking, "How did you manage to get this amazing opportunity?" Well, my wife encouraged me to sign up to be a Seat Filler. A Seat Filler's job at an event like this is to fill any open seat in an area that will most likely be on camera. The producers of the show want to make sure that every seat is filled when attendees have gone to get refreshments or for a bathroom break. So, I signed up and did not think much of it. I did not think I would get picked. I was shocked to find out later that they received over 16,000 applications for either the red carpet or for the show inside the arena. I was even more shocked to find out a few days later that I had been picked to be a seat filler inside at the show!

Many of you who know me know that I am a HUGE music fan. My interest and passion for music comes out in different ways...playing Rock Band/Guitar Hero with my kids, singing on the worship team at church, helping lead a student worship band, producing a music podcast (www.summerhillgang.com), encouraging my kids to learn different instruments...I really appreciate and like listening to a wide variety of music styles and genres. Now, I have watched the Grammy Awards nearly every year since I was a kid, so to be able to attend this year's show was such an amazing opportunity.

My afternoon started with a drive from San Diego to Los Angeles. I was decked out in black pants with a long-sleeve sea foam colored shirt, a black tie with grey stripes and a black suit jacket (thanks Billy Jack!). We were given a window for our arrival time, between 1:00 and 2:30 PM. Having done the Seat Filler gig for The Biggest Loser Finale, I knew that it was not important to get there right at 1:00, and that we would be standing around for several hours. I arrived by 1:45 and stood in a 30 minute line to check in. I was given a wrist band and then had to stand in another line in a parking garage. After standing in line for a little over an hour, we finally moved to the Staples Center.

I imagine it is quite odd walking the streets of L.A. and seeing a single-file line of people in fancy outfits heading down the sidewalk. We were getting some curious glances as we made our trek of a few blocks. But, who knows, they probably see even weirder stuff than that, right?

We made it to an entrance at the arena and then had to stand outside for nearly another hour. Fortunately, we were able to go inside in small groups for a restroom break. The excitement inside the building was palpable as attendees milled about and anticipated the beginning of the show. We had heard that the opening number would be a tribute to Aretha Franklin. After the bathroom break, we had to go back outside and wait. By 4:15, we finally moved inside to a holding area and the show was due to start at 5:00. Another 30 minutes passed by and I could feel the crowd start to get antsy. I was beginning to think that I would not make it inside for the opening act. With 5 minutes to go, a group of about 50 of us were rushed into the lobby area and to the stairs that led down to the floor area of the arena. The place was packed all the way to the rafters and our "handlers" were rushing us down to the floor. Thirty seconds to show time and I still had not found a seat! Suddenly we were being yelled at to keep moving and head to a seating area at the back of the room. This holding area had about 10 rows of about 20-25 seats each and was situated directly behind a raised platform about 25 feet in the air where several cameras were set up. I quickly grabbed a seat in the middle of this section and was disappointed to find that I could not see the stage at all.

My view consisted of an HD flat screen TV and some larger screens up by the stage. We were all mesmerized by being there and I was especially focused on the TV and hearing the big voices doing the opening number. Yolanda Adams, Martina McBride, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson and Florence Welch belted out the tribute to Aretha and they ALL have amazing voices that filled the arena. Things started settling down a bit, but I started noticing that groups of people were being taken to the front of the floor area at every commercial break. I kept thinking, "How do I get in that group?" After about 45 minutes of this, I started trying to move to the edges of the seating area, but every time I did I was asked to move back into the middle so other people could sit. Hmmm...this did not seem quite fair, so I started jockeying for position. I didn't throw elbows or anything, but after sitting for nearly 90 minutes where I could not see the stage, I figured I better make a move or this night would be a bust!

At about 6:20, I finally made it into a group heading toward the front. An open seat was available in the second floor section, probably 35-40 rows back...not exactly the superstar area, but at least I could see the stage! While sitting here, I was able to catch performances by Mumford & Sons, The Avett Brothers and Bob Dylan. At the next commercial break, I had to move as the person sitting there returned. They tell you that if you get bumped from a seat, you can look around for another seat and take it, but there was nothing in the area, so I had to head back to the holding area.

Another 45 minutes went by before I finally got into another group heading up front. This time, we went all the way up to the stage and I was put in a seat in the third row. My heart was really beating fast now! I swear I was sitting next to Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, but this cat looked so young, it couldn't possibly have been him. Anyway, I was sitting there wide-eyed and hoping that I would get to stay when the lady sitting there returned for her seat. Darn! I was only there for two minutes! My dream of sitting next to Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman was not going to be fulfilled as I had to head back towards the holding area. On the way back I was pointed to a seat about 15 rows back on the floor, stage right. This was a great seat and I was sitting next to the diminutive (and very nice) Paul Williams. I didn't get the courage up to say anything to him (mostly because I wasn't really sure that it was him), but it was fun hearing how enthusiastic he was for different performers. It was obvious that I was sitting in his wife's seat and I think he even texted her to see where the heck she was! It was quite fun to be in this seat for the next part of the show as I was able to see Rihanna with Adam Levine on piano, Eminem and Dr. Dre perform. I am not usually one for rap these days, but I have to say that this was quite a fierce and engaging performance. I was able to stay in this seat long enough to see Esperanza Spalding shock the entire building by winning Best New Artist. Nobody expected it because she is a jazz bass musician and she beat out the likes of Justin Bieber. The next commercial break came and Paul's wife showed up with their drinks. I politely got up and headed to the back once again. The timing was bad because the very next performance was by Mick Jagger, who was performing for the first time on the Grammy stage. I had to sit in the back for that one, but the place was electric when he was performing.

As the evening wore on, it was interesting to see when people were starting to leave. At 7:30 there was still an hour left in the show and some of the big awards were coming up, but I could tell that more seats were opening up. After Jagger's performance, I was able to move back one row behind where I sat next to Paul Williams. It was a nice vantage point as I was able to witness Paul being introduced to Bruno Mars. I don't know if Bruno even knew who he was, but I could tell that Paul really appreciated Bruno's work and was telling him so.

At this point, I was sitting next to other Seat Fillers and I was able to stay in this spot (about 15 rows back and stage right) for the rest of the show. I was able to see a lovely performance by Barbra Streisand, a hot performance by Rihanna, a 5th award go to Lady Antebellum, and an energetic performance by Arcade Fire, followed by their surprise win for Album of the Year.

Some other thoughts:

• Loud cheers for Christina Aguilera when she was introduced for the opening. Considering how she has been ripped in the media for the Superbowl fiasco, this was nice to see.
  
• Awesome that Train won for best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group...I love "Hey Soul Sister" even if it has been overplayed. It is a fantastic song with a very catchy melody!
  
• Bruno Mars, B.o.B. and Janelle Monáe really brought the house down with their performances.
  
• Why does everyone like to bag on Justin Bieber? Is it jealousy? The kid is extremely talented and it is a lot of fun to watch him perform live.
  
• I enjoyed the performance by Muse, but the people running around pretending to be revolutionaries were freaking me out. I thought their antics were real at first!
  
• Bob Dylan did not sound good at all...
  
• I wish I had been in a better seat for Cee Lo Green's performance with Gwyneth Paltrow. That dude was crazy in his outfit and his set was pretty elaborate with some of Jim Henson's Muppets as his band.
  
• I was so excited for Lady Antebellum and their 5 Grammy wins! They are one of my favorite groups. It did not come over this way on TV, but I felt like I was one of 20 people that actually clapped for them when they won.
  
• Rihanna is strikingly beautiful in person. I mean, she looks great on TV, but I was really taken aback when she came on stage.
  
• Everyone that was left in the building was completely shocked when Arcade Fire won Best Album. I think everyone was expecting Eminem to take it home this year. Again, very little clapping in the building, which showed how shocked everyone was...
  
• Stars that I walked by or was sitting near: Bruno Mars, B.o.B., Adam Lambert, Janelle Monáe, Train, The Roots, Diddy, Paramore and Katy Perry.
  

Overall, it was a great experience to be in the building for the show and I had an awesome time! Thanks to my friends Billy Jack and Stew for letting me try on their suit jackets for the occasion. I can't wait to put my name in again for the lottery next year...

Merry Christmas 2010!

Another year has gone by and time has come to reflect upon 2010. Overall, this year has been quite mixed, but we are happy and healthy and continue to feel blessed. Christmas 2009 was a rough time for our family and especially for Paula, whose dad passed away just after Christmas day. As I was looking over last year's blog entry, I realized that I wrote it without any inclination that Paul would be battling to stay alive. This year we remember him fondly and wish that he were here to celebrate with us. We know that he is up in heaven, looking down on us and enjoying a laugh or two at our silliness.

Paul F. Coleman, you are truly missed!

As with every year end, I am happy to share highlights from our year with all of you. We pray that wherever you are, you are feeling the love and grace of God and that you are able to celebrate the season surrounded by friends and family.



Now, an update on all the Mazza Monkey happenings:

Cassidy turned 17 this year and started her Senior year in high school this past August. It has really been a banner year for Cassidy as she looks ahead to college life. Highlights from the year include hanging out with friends at Forest Home Winter Camp, getting her driver's license, an April trip with Mom and Dad to Washington DC, a great night at her Junior Prom, rocking the SAT test, and playing violin with the San Diego Symphony as part of our church's annual holiday concert series. Cassidy was able to take a trip to Northern California with Paula and Emily to visit colleges in Sonoma and Monterey in August. She is currently considering a dual major in psychology and music. She is very interested in music therapy as a vocation and this past year has taught herself to play guitar, ukulele, and viola.


It is hard to believe it, but our Emily is almost a teenager! She will turn 13 this coming January. Emily has had another great year, highlighted by her promotion to Junior High in June. She is now a 7th grader at Diegueno Middle School, where Paula attended during her childhood. Emily has shown an affinity for the dramatic arts and was able to take some theater classes with CYT this year. She is hoping to continue that this year and possibly audition for a couple of productions in San Diego's North County area. Other highlights from this year for Emily included a trip with Paula and Cassidy to see America's Got Talent, seeing Tim McGraw and Lady Antebellum with me and Ally, and a trip up to Los Angeles to see performances from the Grammy Nominations concert. Emily is looking forward to life as a teenager, getting her own Facebook page and hanging out with her friends at school and Fringe (the Junior High youth program at our church).


Anthony had a rough start to 2010, having to spend some time at Children's Hospital due to an allergic reaction to poison oak. The rest of the year has been much better! Anthony turned 11 this year and celebrated in September by having a Nerf party with some of his friends. He is now in 5th grade at Flora Vista Elementary. Like his oldest sister, he has an affinity for music and is continuing to learn how to play guitar. He has learned songs by Switchfoot, Chris Tomlin and The Beatles this year. Anthony played Spring and Fall baseball this year and is looking forward to playing some flag football at the Y in 2011. Other highlights from 2010 include the Pilgrim Overnight (where he got to spend the night on a ship with his classmates), summer camp at Forest Home, and being a part of the SHOUT team at church.


Alison turned 9 this past August. She is now in 4th grade and is quite the social butterfly. She loves to sing and write her own songs. She often sneaks away and spends some time noodling around on an old upright piano we have in our garage. Ally has had a lot of fun this year being a part of the Children's Choir at our church and performing at special events around the holidays. Other highlights from the year include her first summer camp at Forest Home and a fun birthday party with all of her friends at a local park. Alison took this year off from softball, but is looking forward to playing again in 2011.


As already mentioned, Paula had a rough start to her year. She continues to amaze me with her balance of being a mom of four and also working full-time. This year, she has taken on the additional challenge of training to hike Mount Whitney, which she plans to do next Summer. She is taking the challenge on by hiking, jogging and working out regularly and has lost over 50 pounds in the last 4 months. Paula continues to work at Solana Beach Presbyterian in Pre-Teen Ministries and recently re-christened the program as Fuel, a place for 4th - 6th graders to come and get filled up with the love of Jesus and then go out and share it with the world. Some of Paula's other highlights for 2010 include taking her SHOUT team kids to Forest Home for a winter weekend, America's Got Talent with Cassidy and Emily, college visits with Cassidy, and recently attending the 10th season finale of The Biggest Loser.

Have you heard about the newest addition to our family? You've heard of the Mazza Monkeys and have probably even heard mention of our two beloved hermit crabs, but our newest member is a desert tortoise. We call him Louie and he even has his own Facebook page! He has grown quite a bit since we first brought him home in August. He loves to burrow, climb logs and sun himself on the rocks in his terrarium. He is looking forward to eating lettuce, bathing in his drinking water and sleeping the days away in 2011...


Not much has changed for me this year, but it has definitely been a busy one. My job at Tax Compliance continues and I have been there for three years now. I also have been continuing my volunteer leadership at church, with both our high school ministry and as a vocalist with the worship team. Paula and I both turned 38 this year and we celebrated several milestones. In May, we traveled up to Sonoma in California wine country and spent part of a weekend seeing the sites and hearing great music from one of our favorite bands, Jackopierce. With our kids all at summer camp, we celebrated 13 years of marriage with a "staycation" week together, away from work and the normal stresses of life. We also both had 20 year high school reunions in 2010 and had a lot of fun reuniting with friends.

As 2010 rides off into the sunset, we look forward to many more adventures in the coming year. I hope you enjoyed reading up on our adventures from this past year and I look forward to catching up with you in 2011. From the Mazza family to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Time Passes By

Today is my oldest daughter's birthday. I first met Cassidy in 1995. She was two and her mom brought her to our college campus. She was infectious...dancing around with her curly blond locks and her buck teeth. I had no idea at that moment that she would become a part of my family. Now she has turned 17 and in less than 10 months, she will be transitioning to her own college life. It is hard not to tear up when I reflect on the years gone by and look ahead to the transition of the next year. Do I really have to let her go?
We have had our moments over the years...those moments when we are at one another's throats...arguing over things that ultimately don't matter. Unfortunately, I cannot undo all of the crummy things that I have said in the heat of the moment. But, what I really love about Cassidy is her capacity to forgive and the grace that she has extended to me throughout her life. She teaches me what it means to love unconditionally.
I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to live an extraordinary life...to step into God's story, realizing that we are each uniquely created by Him and have the potential within us to go beyond the ordinary. Even though I don't want to let her go, I am really excited to see how Cassidy's special gifts touch the lives of others in the coming years.

Cassidy, on your day, I wish you all of the happiness in the world. I pray blessings over you....that the Spirit of God would indwell you and shine through you. Happy birthday...you will always be my Bug!

Never Grow Up
By Taylor Swift

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder that I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up

A Long Time Coming

I don't have much to say...just noticing that I have not written here since December of last year. Time sure flies by...

Fall is upon us...although, will Fall be really any different than the non-existent Summer that we had here in San Diego? Here it is, mid-September, and it is sunny and 70 degrees on the Best Coast. Much better than some places getting hit with rainstorms and keeping an eye on building hurricanes that are threatening in the Atlantic.

Fall brings a lot of changes to our household. Even if the weather does not let us know that the season is changing, other things certainly do. All of our kids are back in school now and fully into a routine of homework and other activities. Our oldest is a senior in high school...that is so hard to think about! This next year will bring many changes around here.

Sometimes, keeping track of everything that needs to be done and where everyone is supposed to be gets to be quite overwhelming. On some days, I don't know which way is up! So, as I am constantly doing, amid all of the Fall rush, I am trying to find space to just be. To be in the moment, to think about what brings such joy to my life and to focus, even for a few fleeting minutes, on who is driving this ship. I would not be where I am today without the love, grace and mercy of God. I thank Him every day for the blessings in my life....for my loving wife, my four awesome kids and for the opportunities we have to give back to others.

I think it is good for all of us to look for these moments, maybe even to build them into the structure of our routines. Going full speed during every waking moment is certainly not healthy and I find that I put many things in between me and God when I don't slow down and spend some time praying, thinking and being. If you are reading this, and it hits home, take some time right now to just sit and be. Try to block all of the distractions of life out of your mind and focus on existing. Sometimes it takes baby steps to bring things into alignment...

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Merry Christmas 2009!

Just one week left until we turn the calendar page to start the year 2010. It is amazing to think back over 2009 and see how much our family is growing. It seems that each year we are growing closer together, under the care and amidst the blessings of God, our Father. That is not to say that we don’t have our own trials and tribulations. We have had our share of arguments and horrible days, but during this time of reflection, as I take a step back and look at my family, I am feeling especially blessed.

In a year where a lot of you have gone through some really rough times, our prayer is that you are finding time to spend with family and friends and that you are reflecting on the real reason for this season. We also pray that you feel God’s loving hand in your lives and that you see and feel His abundant grace.


Here is our annual Mazza Monkey update:

Cassidy is now 16 years old and is a junior in high school. Highlights from the year included a birthday trip to Disneyland, an affirmation celebration (where friends and family encouraged her with blessings), and running in her first 5k. Cassidy loves San Dieguito Academy, the same school that Paula attended from 1986-1990. She excels at Photography, earning two first place ribbons at this year’s San Diego County Fair, and playing the violin, participating this year in several recitals, a high school worship band and with members of the San Diego Symphony at our church’s annual Christmas concerts (See video over at YouTube...Ally is also in the children's choir). Cassidy is still working on getting her learner’s permit and is looking forward to getting her driver’s license next summer.

Emily will be turning 12 in January. This year, I get to take her to Disneyland for a day. Emily is now a 6th grader at Flora Vista Elementary (where Paula also attended as a child). She enjoyed a week at 6th grade camp and the highlight of her softball year was helping bring home the 12 and under championship. She has continued her leadership at church as part of the Shout Team and loves the weekly Quest program. In the next year, Emily is looking forward to branching out into musical theater and drama, graduating to the Fringe Junior High program at church and moving over to Digueno Middle School in the fall.

Anthony is now 10 years old and is in 4th grade. He had a blast attending Quest at church and also going to his first Indian Village camp (without his parents) up at Forest Home. His baseball team was called the Sand Gnats this year and he discovered that he really likes playing catcher. He is an avid reader and video game player and really likes to conquer those games as quickly as he can. This year he has also been learning to play the electric guitar. He is looking forward to the Pilgrim Overnight trip with his classmates and playing baseball again in the spring.

Alison is 8 years old and is in 3rd grade at Flora Vista Elementary. We celebrated her birthday this year by taking the entire family to Disneyland. It was a milestone year for her as she rode Space Mountain for the first time. It is now her favorite ride! Ally played softball again this year and had a lot of fun, but in 2010 she is most looking forward to learning how to play the piano. In the next year, she will be going to her first Indian Village camp and also moving up to the Quest program that Paula leads at our church.


Paula loves her job in Pre-Teen Ministries and has been blessed to attend seminary, working towards her Master’s degree. Due to lack of financial resources, she had to take a break from her coursework during the latter half of the year, but she was recently awarded a grant that will allow her to return to her studies in January. Highlights from Paula’s year include running in the Iron Girl 5K in Del Mar and meeting the members of the band Newsboys when they rehearsed at our church campus. She had a lot of fun taking kids to Forest Home this past summer and is looking forward to many more crazy adventures with her Quest kids in 2010.

This year started out pretty slow for me, but it has blossomed into a very, very busy year. I continue to work at Tax Compliance as an Implementation Specialist. Outside of work, I continue to volunteer as a small group leader with the high school ministry at our church, expanding that role this year to include leading a worship band that includes high school students and teaching on several occasions throughout the year. It has been fun to rehearse and perform with the band, which includes Cassidy on violin. In 2010, I will be celebrating 10 years as part of the worship team at Solana Beach Presbyterian Church. What an amazing and fun time it has been to lead God’s people in worship and celebration. I am looking forward to continuing in these ministry roles in this next year.

Our family highlights in 2009 included a camping trip to Idyllwild, California in April and a return trip in June for a weekend with good friends. Paula and I celebrated our 12th anniversary with a fun “stay-cation” in San Diego in June. A week-long stay at Forest Home was a highlight of July and then we all went to see a production of “Wicked” at the Civic Theater in downtown San Diego in August. For Thanksgiving this year, we traveled to Williams (Arizona) to visit with Grandpa Lou and then went to Las Vegas and Disneyland. We had a ton of fun geocaching along the way. Check out geocaching.com for more information on this fun activity.


I have not been keeping up with our picture library, but you can always go to our Flickr website and view pictures from past years. Who knows, you may see new pictures pop up there from time to time!

It is our sincerest wish that you all have a very Merry Christmas. May God bless you richly in 2010! We look forward to hearing from you…

Heal The World

I think I've been avoiding writing this post. Not because it's too hard to write, but mostly because there are a lot of people writing about Michael Jackson. Too many voices, too many opinions....who really wants to hear mine?
Well, much has been and will be written about Michael. I don't mean this to be an expose on his life or to be an exploration of his poor decision-making. But, what it is to me is something personal.
I grew up with Michael's music in my ears. I was 7 when Off The Wall hit stores....and 10 when Thriller changed the face of popular music. I learned how to breakdance because I watched his dance moves and wanted to dance like that....me and millions of other kids. I also remember reading through his autobiography, Moon Walk, at age 16 in one weekend. I was fascinated to say the least.
Over the years, I have been saddened by Michael's choices. His public persona was one that I chose to avoid after years of just thinking that he was misunderstood and privately praying for him. In fact, I was not even aware that he was rehearsing for an upcoming concert tour in England when he suddenly died at the age of 50.
Now, as I lament the fact that we will no longer hear new music from this amazing artist, I am spending some time listening to the music that we do have. Frankly, it is extraordinary and, in many cases, beautifully poetic. In recent years, I felt like Michael was trying too hard and was over-producing his music. I didn't even purchase Invincible, which came out in 2001. But, the music he put out before that...simply amazing.
One song that I love is "Heal The World." The lyrics are incredible and, as was often the case when it came to Michael's songs, ahead of its time. I say that because the song came out in the early 1990's when it seemed like greed and selfishness were pervasive. In recent years, it seems that our gaze has been lifted from ourselves and we are paying more attention to those around the world who need our help and love. Regardless of all of the other junk in Michael Jackson's life, this is one thing that he really got....loving your neighbor, reaching out to the helpless....and healing the world.
I encourage you to discover Michael's music anew. There are so many gems....multi-layered vocals and production....poignant lyrics....it's all there and, to me, it is genius. His songs will get you tapping your toes, dancing in the clubs and maybe even thinking a bit about loving each other...

If you want to see the video for "Heal The World", go here...

There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be
Much brighter than tomorrow

And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow

There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space
Make a better place...

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving

If we try, we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and start living

Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
So make a better world
Make a better world...

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

And the dream we were conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace

Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth crucify its soul
Though its plain to see this world is heavenly
Be gods glow

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart I feel you are all my brothers

Create a world with no fear
Together we cry happy tears
See the nations turn
Their swords into plowshares

We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space
To make a better place...

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

San Diego Stay-cation

Paula and I try to take a vacation at least once a year. We've never really done anything exotic (Lake Arrowhead, Catalina Island)...and our stays are not lengthy (3-4 day weekends). This year we decided to stay in San Diego. It makes sense...a little less expensive and we are contributing to our local economy. After this last weekend, I have to say that vacationing in San Diego is....AWESOME!
So, here is a little of what we did...maybe you locals will find some fun things to do on your own stay-cations...

• We ate breakfast in Solana Beach at the Hideaway Cafe...one of our favorite spots
  
• We visited Old Town and ate lunch at Casa de Reyes
  
• We rode the trolley to Downtown
  
• We stayed two nights in the Victorian-era Horton Grand Hotel (a new favorite)
  
• We enjoyed Happy Hour at Dakota Grill
  
• We took a tour of Petco Park
  
• We walked around Seaport Village
  
• We took the ferry to the Coronado Ferry Landing
  
• We saw Trevor Davis sing at the House of Blues

It was great fun and we look forward to vacation in our own "backyard" again soon!

Is it almost June already?

I cannot believe how time flies around here! It seems like just yesterday that the Mazza family was getting ready for a VERY busy season of cotillion, violin, baseball and softball....and we are already done. The kids all had great fun this Spring with their activities. Even though we felt like some days we barely had time to breath, Paula and I really enjoyed seeing our monkeys having some fun. Now we are gearing up for Summer...and we have a growing list of other fun things that we want to do. I hope we get to do a lot of those activities, but more than that I am looking forward to some quality time with the family. I hope you all get to spend some quality time with your families as well...

Some other quick hits for today:

• I am glad that Chuck has been renewed for another season...
  
• I am also glad that Friday Night Lights has been renewed for TWO more season, but bummed that I have to wait until Summer 2010 for new episodes...
  
• I need to finish reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the movie comes out in 48 days...
  
• Ok, which one of you crazy fools would attempt this? Yep, looks like fun to me....NOT!