Crying Out

This week I have taken on the task of teaching our high school students at our church's youth group. I have been a small group leader off and on for almost 9 years now. It has been such a great pleasure to get to know these students over the years. Some of them are now college graduates and I count them as good friends.

Over these years, I have had occasion to teach. It is something I enjoy doing. I am pretty passionate about sharing my life experiences...my story...with my students. My hope is that through my sharing, they can hold on to something that may help them in their own personal journey. Life can be pretty scary when you leave the safety of home and venture out into the world to forge your own path. My greatest happiness is letting my students know that they are not alone in the world...that they have a God who is greater than anything and who cares about them. It also makes me happy to let them know that I am available to journey with them as well.

As a youth leader, I join many others who God has called to walk this path. We often do not get opportunities to witness the fruit of the seeds we have planted in the lives of our students. But, I take comfort and joy in knowing that I am doing what I was created to do. If I somehow get to see a little glimpse down the road of how I impacted one life, then that is simply icing on the cake.

So, as I am reflecting on what I am going to teach this week and trying to figure out how I am going to say it, I am feeling depressed. Depressed? Why should I feel depressed? I should be getting excited about the upcoming opportunity! Maybe I should be feeling the butterflies that come along with being nervous or anxious about speaking to a group. The anticipation alone should be putting a little giddy-up in my step. Shouldn't it?

Yet, I am sitting here with my plans still not fully formed and not feeling motivated to wrap it up. Sure, there are other things going on in my life that are informing these feelings and causing me to wallow in this place. But, it seems that those situations are only being amplified to try and bring me down. Unfortunately, it appears to have been working these last few days.

So, how do I move past this. How do I tune in to what God wants me to say to these students? How do I pull out of this funk and carry on? Well, for me it starts with some solitude...some prayer...some reflection...and then....God brings me a song. It is quite funny how it happens. Sometimes a chorus to a song will just come into my head....and it repeats and repeats and repeats...until I finally listen to the full song and dwell on it.

This time the song is called "Crying Out To You" by Jon Abel. I was first introduced to Jon's music back in late 2005. I was excited about discovering his music because his first CD, More Than This, was produced by Cary Pierce, one of my all-time favorite singer/songwriters and one half of the duo known as Jackopierce. Cary again produced Jon's latest CD, Back To You, on which "Crying Out To You" is found. He has also written songs with my favorite worship leader, Chris Tomlin.

Anyway, "Crying" is a song that speaks to where I am right now. During this Lenten season, our youth group (called Impact) is learning about Praying with an Ache. We are learning what it means to pray from the gut, rather than from the head. And this week I am planning to teach on Psalm 77, which is totally a prayer of ache that then resolves to a song of praise, faith and trust in the God who brings us through the deepest of valleys. I love that I get to teach on this subject! And I love that I am in a place where I am crying out to God about my own journey. It is from this place that I can be honest and transparent with my students. My hope is that I can express to them in words how I feel about bringing my aches before the Lord. And if sharing that vulnerability helps just one of those students on their own journey, then I am ecstatic that I am in a state of depression at this moment...

You make us perfectly
But, Lord, we choose to wander
You give abundantly
But then we trade your love for the world

Lord, don't give up on us
We are crying out to you
Our hearts are crying out to you

We fall, we break, we lose it all
Your heart is so forgiving
With just a word, you make us whole
And give us life worth living again

Lord, don't give up on us
We are crying out to you
Our hearts are crying out to you

We are broken, we are weak
You come so faithfully
With a love that makes us new
We are crying out to you
Crying out to you

We are crying out to you
Our hearts are crying out to you