Turmoil

Well, that title sounds pretty ominous. I don't feel particularly anxious or negative about that word. I guess it does have a connotation that is ugly. Maybe instead of turmoil I should use the word 'change.' Change is a good thing. Change is part of life. If we didn't have change, how would we use the soda machine to get that Diet Coke we so desperately need. Seriously though, change is inevitable, right?
I've been spending some time evaluating my life lately. Trying to find the balance that makes everyone happy, including myself. It is a hard thing to find balance. Some days it is easier to achieve than others. One thing I was reminded of this past weekend is that first and foremost, I am a child of God. Why do I so easily forget that?
Maybe I've become too comfortable. When things are clicking along, running smoothly, it becomes too easy to take the focus off of God and on to myself. When I apply discipline and clear my focus, I often find that change does not rock my boat so much. The figurative earthquake can come, but I feel like I am outside of that plane...in another dimension...able to look at the turmoil from all sides and see it for what it is...change...
I think along with being comfortable, I have reached a point of busyness that is overwhelming. I've examined everything I am doing and it is all good. But, every day is completely full and I feel like sometimes I am missing out on the important things.
I was laying in my son's bunk bed with him the other night, reading stories. I guess over the years I have become really selfish about that time. I just know that all too soon he will be grown up and I won't get to lay in bed with him and cuddle. We finished our story and I said to him, "Anthony, you are so big. I can't believe that you are 6 years old already. I think you should stop growing up."
"I want to stay this age forever," he said.
"Why do you say that?" I responded. "Why don't you want to grow up?"
Anthony was silent for a moment and I looked at him. I could tell that his eyes were beginning to tear up.
"Because then I won't get to see you anymore," he said.
"Oh, Anthony," I said, "You don't have to worry about that. Even when you grow up I am going to see you."
He started to cry and he wiped his tears with his hands, trying to hide his emotion as men so often do. All I could do was kiss his cheek and snuggle up to him. Inside I was dying. My heart was breaking as I knew deep inside that the day will come when I won't see my boy that often. He will grow up and move out of the house and start his own family and the days of snuggling in bed and reading stories will be a distant memory. These are the important things, the things I don't want to miss out on.
Maybe God feels this way about us? Maybe he sheds some tears when we get too comfortable or too busy and look to ourselves for identity. Maybe turmoil and change is a tool that God uses to remind us of the important things. First and foremost, I am a child of God. Everything else is an extension of that reality.
I think it is time for me to make some changes of my own. Time to clear my focus, be in the moment, and enjoy the important things...like seeing my kids and kissing my wife and snuggling up in the lap of my Heavenly Father...now that is something to make any heart happy...