F-A-I-T-H

Why is it so hard to keep it? You gotta have it, yet it is so easy to lose. Is my memory that short? Do I remember the stories? Do I re-tell the stories? So many questions....and very few answers.

When you sit and ponder it, life is a queer subject. The way things work together....things are always in motion....whether we can see the motion or not. Life can be moving too fast sometimes and we have this need to slow down. Flip side, life can be moving so slow that it seems nothing changes. Interesting paradox, isn't it?

Some days are filled with anxious moments, impatient leg bouncing, wondering when the next thing will happen. What shall I do next? Am I ready for the next thing? Why won't the phone ring? It is so hard to be patient and in the moment. So hard to see past the double-wide 5th wheel diesel truck driving 10 MPH in front of me. I crack my knuckles and try not to panic. Move out of my way, I'm coming through!

What is my need to push things? Am I in such a hurry to witness the passing of my grandparents, the aging of my own parents....to wake up tomorrow and find that my last daughter is getting married in a week? The grey hairs in my goatee laugh at me when I look in the mirror. My shoulders ache and my forehead is getting larger. Ugh....

I pray for patience. I ask God for wisdom and clarity and strength and protection. Protection? Yeah, I need it. I need a 24 hour bodyguard....10 feet tall with gigantous biceps. Someone to watch over me. Some days I just don't feel like strapping it on, too tired to fight....do I feel vulnerable? Not in the least....JC has my back. He walks with me....He leads me....He carries me.

Do I have any reason to doubt? Remember the stories. "Do you want to hear?" He says. Uh....yeah! I'm listening. My ear is to the ground. Is that a rumble? Am I hearing it or is it a feeling from deep in my soul? Why can't I have neon signs? Loud explanations in bright colors. Not hard to miss those signs when speeding past the 5th wheel diesel. Yet, time after time, when I press the gas pedal to the floor, the vehicle does not move. The engine sputters and I have to pull to the side of the road. Start walkin', mister....It is so easy to miss the flowers on the side of the road when you are speeding past. The microcosm that surrounds me is magnified when I am forced to tread one foot after another, eyes focused on the ground. It is beautiful.

"Listen," He says. Ok, already....I'm looking around....I'm admiring the scenery. How long should I wait? Silence....chirp, chirp, chirp....I hope this doesn't take 25 years. You're a good man, Abraham....chirp, chirp, chirp.

I hate waiting....