Forgiveness: the hardest thing to ask for

Sometimes forgiveness is the hardest thing to ask for. I'm sure everyone can remember times as children that our parents forced us to apologize to our siblings. In the midst and peak of our anger, Mom says that I need to apologize? How does that make sense? I don't want to apologize, don't want to say I am sorry. I don't want to ask this person that I have wronged to forgive me for my trespasses! Most likely, I was wronged first...she should have to apologize to me!

As much as we fight it, what I have learned about forgiveness is that it feels so much better when you ask for it. It feels good to ask, but it feels quite incredible to receive forgiveness. The mere act of forgiveness is that someone that has been hurt or wronged is considering the person before them....looking at them with love....and waving away any concern that the trespass has caused harm to the relationship. One of the greatest lessons I have learned about forgiveness is that once granted, the forgetting seems easier. Not always, mind you, but if I am truly seeking to be like Jesus, then wiping away the memory of the wrong should be my goal.

Sometimes when I approach God during my prayer time, I know that something is keeping me from fully accepting His love. Whether I am feeling guilt or embarrassment for something I have done, the difficulty in approaching His throne seems to lie in the fact that, once again, I have to say, "I messed up, Lord." The idea of perfection in this world of sin seems quite unattainable and many times I am tempted to not even try. The thing that keeps me trying is that I have a loving God that does forgive me. Especially in those times when I sheepishly approach His throne, He stands with arms wide open and accepts me. He knows what I have done and He patiently waits for me to ask for forgiveness. Although it may be difficult at first, it is quite a release to say the words. And then, the love pours over me, like a rushing waterfall of clear, refreshing water. In this place, I am renewed and washed clean and my Lord sends me on my way, knowing that I will soon return dirty and looking for another round of grace.

As I mature in my walk with the Lord, I am increasingly challenged to not take advantage of my Father's grace. I seek to do the things that please Him. I know it is impossible to be perfect, but I am certainly glad to know that I have a relationship with a loving Father who forgives me every time I return to Him.